1. |
My Friend Wants a Baby
03:45
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My friend wants a baby but I'm not so sure
She doesn't just need something, completion for her
Validation in a crib without real love to give or
Validation to a child
Every time I see her I want to say something
But you know it's not my place and another thing
It's only been a couple of years
Since we worked out our own tears
And frankly I don't want to fight
I don't know her husband all too well
But he seems like a nice guy and I think it's swell
That they married up, settled down,
Smashed the cup, stopped fooling around
Man I hope it lasts a million years
But I don't see real comfort in this man's face
Just a blind desire to add to the race
When there are already enough
crawling around on this blue Earth
Children unwanted and alone
In the morning sunlight I look down at my friend's face
And I know he wants to adopt a child like nobody else
But according to a law he has not the right at all
Because he shares his love with me
I don't know the logic behind this fear
All I know is that they're making armies out there
While we sit here and we stall
The fear of love permeates us all
Being children unwanted and alone
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2. |
Our Open Eyes
05:44
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I've been out all night and dawn is so goddamn bright
I've never seen the sun pour down so much light
But it stays dark, it says in my eyes what's in my heart
Like an old dear friend I can call any time of the night
These people they don't see, though they're looking right at me
With nowhere to go they follow the impolite rules of the street
Nor do I see cause it's not really happening to me
I distance these images and noise with a surreal quality
I came to this town cause somehow it set me free
Now what I feel is panicky rush in the street
Paralysed minds, stagnant lives and shuffling feet
Who sacrifice daily life for a future no one sees
The first time Rachel and I went to Provincetown
We found ourselves a stoop and we sat down
For six hours we watched the people walk by
Women with women men with men and our open eyes
We were high
Open eyes
First Avenue is wide a the cars blow their horns at every red light
They rush to their offices to hide and the pause drives them wild
So I cross the street maybe to get me something to eat
And from across the way I hear "hey faggot" click into the fear
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3. |
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I hope I land safely on solid ground
And that all the pieces can be found
God forbid that I be left alone, cold and not knowing the way
So who's that swimming in my eyes
As crystal phagocytes attack my thighs
Every moment is sacrificed
While the screen looms and real life's miniaturised
Am I Raquel Welch starring in Fantastic Voyage?
I've dreamed of this journey so many times
The different ways it all would end in my mind
And what's going to happen to my soul
When I don't let myself grow old
So who's that swimming in my eyes
As crystal phagocytes attack my thighs
Every moment is sacrificed
While the screen looms and real life's miniaturised
Am I Raquel Welch starring in Fantastic Voyage?
On one hand there are gods and icons
And other role models to guide you
On the other hand you start and end with yourself
You're told again and again to look inside you
Or maybe there's a plan and you're just a pawn
With no control and you have to take what comes your way
Feel my last breath take leave of my lungs
See my life passing before my eyes
Suddenly I'm flying in the sky
Watching the whole scene down below.
Am I Raquel Welch starring in Fantastic Voyage?
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4. |
Willows
03:42
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Thinking that I know what role I'm suppose to play today
I realise nothing's black and white and this pattern varies in gray
It's fluid motion sometimes rising, evaporating, washing us
As we wade through waves of human cultural tides
I'm a ragout of this human face, I actually find some strength
In old proverbs about willows and their bending boughs
Complicated as an episode on a daytime soap
But you haven't seen me on TV
And you haven't read me in books
And maybe that's why I'm not so real to you
But if you'd feel the sweat in my palms baby
Scratch yourself on my beard I'll take you to a place where
Culture's not so confused with instinct
There's nothing really too abstract here
When all is said and done I can feel that
What you want along with love is to have some fun.
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5. |
The Beast
03:29
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It's a sin when you revel in the power given you
Even though it may have been my choice with it to do
You taught me with your cruelty just what was going down
And I was a fool cause I kept my cool and stuck around
Cause in our hearts there's a beast waiting deep inside
Yes in our lies the beast resides waiting deep inside
I've a hurt that you didn't side inside me big as a mountainside
And now you're shoulder's bare
And the chip I see there is not a pretty sight
Rather grow or let it go we somehow think it's right
To drive a two way street of misery
Like it was better than an empty night
Cause in our hearts there's a beast waiting deep inside
Yes in our lies the beast resides waiting deep inside
I'm tired of filling the needs of old planted seeds
That have turned into your psycho trip
Now it's insane only fools remain
Inside these so-called relationships
I've a hurt that you didn't side inside me big as a mountainside
And now you're shoulder's bare
And the chip I see there is not a pretty sight
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6. |
Last Night
04:26
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Last night I dreamt about you with water all around
You were swimming strong and me about to drown
Then you gave me your hand and pulled me to shore
But I dragged you down I needed more, I needed more
It's true my life is trouble and I'm unclear
Some days are filled with sadness some nights with fear
But I'm happy darling when you're around
Even the slightest touch can fill my heart and fill my mind
You know it's hard to stand here ego on my sleeve
And it's hard to need someone the way I need
Guess I'm like a junkie chasing love
And it drives me crazy cause it's still you I dream of
And now we see each other around the town
You're all smiles and cheerful like nothing had gone down
But I sift through your words to make sure
That you're not pretending that you've really closed your door.
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7. |
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I have seen it in my dreams night and day
The only constant thing in life is that there's change
While I grow the garbage I hope slips away
I was raised a straight boy but I'm not today
I was raised a straight boy but I'm not today
I was taught that pink's for girls and blue is for boys
I was given guns to play with and army toys
And if these things took on a certain gender sway
Well I was raised a straight boy but I'm not today
There are even words boys aren't suppose to say
Now we've all had our problems with our family care
We've seen contradictions and we sit and stare
Mimicking our parents from childhood days
Scared to make decisions in a brand new way
We were raised straight boys but we're not today
Now I've grown accustom to myself and my style
I have a sense of freedom and it feels just great
When I feel myself returning to my child
I know Im just reacting and it's way too late
I'm always reacting and it's way too late
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8. |
Tip-Toeing
04:34
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J'ia marché sur tes pas braisant le bois dont on fait les prisons
J'ai plongé dans le bleu des yeux que tu portais sur moi
J'ai lu sur tes lèvres les mots dont on fait les poèmes
Finally I'm open to you at least part way
How long did it take?
But we love the game, the ritual we play, our feathers displayed
As we buck horns and splash in the waves
Then our trust is gained, it's gathered carefully
Like shattered glass, like a forest in flames
I'm through tip-toeing round you
I'm going to risk something baby
Try something new, don't be afraid
Salmon swimming upstream
We know it's a long haul
But then we're home free
When the end we reach
Sail with me to an open sea, islands unexplored
Archipelagos and reefs
Or sing with me an opera we don't know
We can follow along or we can write one of our own
I hope you're through tip-toeing round me
You can risk something baby see what we can be
I won't be afraid
Wildebeests on the plain
Yes it's a long haul but think what we'll have gained
When the end we reach
Shut the door
And I'll turn out the light
I want to feel you
I want to feel that it's all right
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9. |
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The first time I met Gregory
I had to be sure that he had seen me
Waiving at the Ocean Beach ferry
My grandmother was leaving that day
There was no hiding desire
Summer had come to the Island of Fire
Jaws was a big film that year
We all swam in silent fear
That night we met on the beach
And until the dawn Greg spoke softly to me
Easing me into myself
Like the boat gently crossing the bay
There we made love the next night
As the stars flew quickly across the sky
These things I'd never seen
Greg explained everything
Then those years passed us by
Staying in touch we drifted apart
Without an awful lot to say
And with our lives those years played
Moi je voulais apprendre le français
Alors Paris je suis allé
C'était pendant cette année
Que ses ennuis ont commencé
Greg he passed on recently
The last time we met was Memorial Day
From the thirty-first floor balcony
We watched the fireworks display
I saw the death in his eyes
Along side the love he had never disguised
And like those exploding suns
Greg slipped quickly into oblivion
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Jesse Hultberg Montpellier, France
Founding member of NYC band
3 Teens Kill 4.
Album "No Motive" Point Blank records
1982.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/3_Teens_Kill_4
Performed at Wigstock in NY in the 80s. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wigstock
Appeared in the film Longtime Companion with the Fingerlakes Trio 1989 en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Longtime_Companion
Created Wildmonk Records and released the CD Jesse Hultberg 1994.
... more
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